Jesus Christ Detained By I.C.E. While Trying To Enter The U.S.A. Illegally.

Jesus Christ was detained by I.C.E. officials today while attempting to enter the United States illegally. Witnesses say that he triumphantly descended from the sky escorted by F16 fighter pilots that had been scrambled as soon as he appeared on radar. Once he was on U.S. soil he was immediately met by authorities from the military, local law enforcement and immigration. However there was no evidence to prove these claims. Pentagon spokesman said that any information regarding this matter was classified as it was an ongoing investigation. One bystander claimed that he had captured the moment on his iPhone but that soon after the F.B.I arrived a blinding flash of light was seen and the entire contents of the device had vanished.

Officers report that Jesus did not have either a valid ID, passport or a tourist visa so he was detained for illegal entry pending further investigation with the Department of Homeland Security.
When asked how they could treat the son of God with such disrespect, I.C.E. official Carl Rogan said, "Hell every 14th person that comes through here is named Jesus. We can't really play favorites, and without proper ID we have no reason to believe he's not just another illegal alien."

He went on to say, "he has the same rights as all the other guys named Jesus to get in that long line and apply for citizenship. But if he keeps talkin about floating down from Heaven and taking everyone with him up in the clouds they might think he's insane and kick back his paperwork. Besides, as I recall the Jesus I heard about in Sunday School was not an American. He was Israeli, born in Bethlehem. Even if he had papers to prove it he would still need a tourist Visa to enter. He should speak to the Israeli Consulate to start that process. Nothing I can do about that."

A spokesman for the Israeli consulate said that since Jesus was a convicted felon he would not be allowed to have an American Visa. It also seems that there is an outstanding warrant for his arrest for resurrecting from the dead. This was in direct violation of his death sentence. They have petitioned the State Dept. to have him extradited to face these new charges. Rome has challenged that extradition on the grounds that this case falls under their jurisdiction. They feel that more than a lifetime has passed since his conviction and therefore would commute the sentence for time-served. Some feel that he should fight to over turn the initial conviction as he has met the burden of proof that he was indeed the son of God.

Jesse Jackson called a press conference to address the issue and said, "isn't it interesting how G.O.P. pressure to create laws that require ID and limit entry to the Country and immigration have so negatively affected their Lord and Savior on his triumphant return?
 Did they not read in that Bible they use to beat everyone over the head with how Christ treated people with compassion, understanding and love? I don't see their attitude and practices to be consistent with his teaching..."

Meanwhile, with the laws regarding indefinite detention passed by the Obama administration, there's no telling how long this matter could drag out. Officials are refusing to even tell the press where he is being detained citing security concerns. Many faithful Christians were excited that he has finally returned and were hopeful that soon they would all be ascending up to Heaven with him once the legal matters have all been resolved.